


Learning Yourself

by ahunmaster



Series: Manga AU [6]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Daybreak you're a lesbian, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internet, Lesbians, Light Angst, No Dialogue, OCs - Freeform, One Shot, Original Character(s), Original Character-centric, Porn Video, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 16:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11673264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahunmaster/pseuds/ahunmaster
Summary: Daybreak starts to realize something about herself as she tries to decipher her feelings for her best friend Nebula.





	Learning Yourself

 

She loved to lay back on her bed and daydream.  It was so relaxing and just fun to stare at her polka-dotted ceiling even if her mother thought it was tacky.  It was how she loved to spend her weekends sometimes.

 

But now she was too busy staring at those faded polka-dotted patterns as she began contemplating her entire life before her.

 

Nebula.  Nebula has suddenly come into her life and while Daybreak loved having the other woman as her closest, and real, friend in her life, it was starting to make her think of things.

 

Things she didn't think were real before.

 

Back home... she didn't have these feelings.  At least she wasn't supposed to.  Her mother and father had talked about it.  Not directly to her, but sometimes around the dinner table when she was younger.

 

Girls weren't supposed to like girls.  They were supposed to like boys.  It was how it worked.  Boyfriend then husband. Girls did not fall in love with girls and girls didn't get girlfriends and then wives. 

 

Daybreak hadn't thought of it much back then.  After all, she was just like every other girl.  She would find a boy she liked and maybe they would go out and hopefully they would be girlfriend and boyfriend until they finished school when they could marry like other couples. Just like her parents had. 

 

She just hadn't expected Nebula to be thrown into that equation.  Or for the matter to take the entire equation, throw it out the window, and then sit where that equation was like she owned it.

 

Nebula just... She was so much different from home.  So open about... sex and admitting she liked it.  That she did it often!  And she didn't let anyone, not even bigger, tougher men, push her around.  She was so different from Daybreak, and Daybreak couldn't help but be drawn to her at first.

 

She thought it was just seeing Nebula as a role model.  Daybreak was shy, quiet, and no one really looked at her.  Nebula was loud, in-your-face, and popular.  She was also considered a bad girl, but she was still popular nonetheless.  She always thought her thoughts on the other girl was just that she wanted to be like her - cool, popular, and able to speak her mind.

 

And then one day... Daybreak noticed something else.  Something she had never noticed about any other girl.

 

Nebula was pretty.  Very pretty.

 

So pretty that every time she saw Nebula, Daybreak's heart would beat faster and her face would turn pink.

 

Even then, she tried to reason it out, saying it was just admiration.  Nebula was wearing something very beautiful that day.  Everyone else blushed when the popular girl stepped into the room.  Daybreak didn't know anyone who didn't think Nebula was beautiful. Some of the other popular girls may have said otherwise, but even she knew they were only saying that because they were jealous.

 

But then she had that dream a few weeks back.  That dream.  She didn't remember all of it, but it had Nebula in it and she was certain Nebula was a big part of that dream.  And there were other things she would never mention to anyone.  Ever.

 

She had woken up from that dream thinking she had peed herself.  It took weeks of trying to forget it, constantly remembering part of the dream, having more nights of feeling like she had peed herself, and hours spent searching on the internet (in her room, in the dark, alone, under the covers) what it was she had done.

 

 A wet dream.  Daybreak had just had a wet dream.

 

It had been confusing to understand.  The site she had found this information on had given a boy having one as an example, dreaming of a girl he liked and ejaculating in his sleep; it was almost like what she had done.  But she was a girl.  Could a girl have wet dreams too?  But she didn't have a penis.  How could she have a wet dream?

 

Perhaps to her luck or dismay, she wasn't sure, someone had brought up the topic during lunch.  And of course Nebula had to go into a passionate rant about it.  Guys were told all about wet dreams and how they were normal and important for growing up into normal men while girls were told nothing about it.  Told to keep their thoughts pure and that even thinking of other people like, well like Daybreak had been, made them horrible people.

 

Of course they weren't bad people for thinking such things, Nebula had argued, girls could get wet dreams too.  They could think of others like boys could.  Girls could also have sexual fantasies they could get off to.

 

Daybreak wasn't sure how she would 'jack' off to that.  She was mostly just waking up to the wetness.  At least hearing Nebula talk about it so easily made her feel a bit better.

 

It was just normal.  Just like boys, they could have wet dreams.  It may not even be about someone they liked, just someone they thought was attractive and could get an orgasm from.  Nebula was pretty.  She was beautiful.  It was... different, but there was no reason to worry about a single wet dream about Nebula.  It was probably just a one-time thing.

 

That would have been the end of it.  A simple normal teenage occurrence.  Daybreak was sure life would return to normal after a while once she forgot about the dream and went on with her normal life.

 

But then life had to be not normal and make her have the wet dream about Nebula again.  She certainly knew it had Nebula in it, but again she couldn't remember much about it.  She did know that the other girl was with her, lying next to her doing something.

 

Daybreak didn't know what to do about the wet dreams.  This... This was normal?  Right?  She was just a growing girl, right?  A normal growing girl having normal dreams that would mean nothing when she got older and got married to a nice guy, right?

 

Then there was that video.  It had been an accident, really.  She had only been looking up more about girls and wet dreams and had stumbled across the video.  She wasn't sure how it had come up in her search, but it had been totally unexpected and she had freaked out that her parents would hear it despite the fact that she had practically muted the video and her laptop.

 

But she had been unable to stop watching it.  Just seeing the two women on screen, panting and-and doing those things to each other.  Daybreak had no idea what it was, but she couldn't look away until the video had ended.

 

After doing everything she could to erase that video from her mind and laptop, Daybreak ended up having the wet dream again.  Only she remembered what she and Nebula were doing and it was a lot like the video she had found.

 

Nothing was making sense.  This... that video was two girls.  Doing things.  Things that shouldn't be happening.  Girls didn't... those things, sex, it was between a man and a woman.  Right?

 

She dared not go looking for the video or any others.  But she thought it over and looked into more... safer search terms.  Homosexuality, gay, lesbians... lesbians, that was what those two girls were in the video.

 

Lesbians: homosexual women.  Women who were only attracted to other women.

 

...Daybreak knew Nebula was like that. She knew Nebula had said she liked boys and girls.  She didn't think that was possibly, but a quick search later, at the library computer, had told her yes, it was possible.  It just had too many names for her to figure out which one Nebula was. But whatever Nebula was, Daybreak knew the other liked girls. 

 

Just like Daybreak had liked the video of those girls doing... things to each other.  So did that mean... Daybreak liked girls too?

 

...Or was it just Nebula she felt this way about?  Maybe she was just admiring Nebula, who was cool and popular and more willing to do the things Daybreak would never even dream of doing?

 

Maybe it was just a crush... maybe she only thought she liked Nebula, but she really just admired her and wanted to be as strong and able to get people to look at her.  Even though Daybreak got the jitters thinking of having everyone's attention on her at once, it was a nice thought to have everyone look at her and listen to her like people did with Nebula.  To be noticed and admired and loved-

 

Daybreak shook her head before rolling over to bury her face into her pillow.  God, this was so weird.  Did she just see Nebula as a friend or was she actually attracted to her?  Was she a lesbian?  Or maybe what Nebula was because she liked both boys and girls?  But did she even like boys?  Sure, she had agreed in middle school that the boybands had cute guys on them, but did she even really like them as much as she may possibly like Nebula?

 

She certainly didn't remember getting wet dreams about them compared to the ones she got about Nebula.

 

This was just so hard and so confusing to think about.  She almost wished she had never gotten these sort of dreams or feelings so that she wouldn't be so confused.

 

But then if she didn't... would she have never cared for Nebula at all?  Would her friendship with the other girl have never happened?  Nebula had been such a bright spot in her life that it was almost unthinkable to picture her life now without Nebula.  To imagine not having the proud, unbent, tough Nebula there to make her laugh and keep her chin up when Daybreak was feeling down.

 

Daybreak pushed down the urge to cry.  She didn't know what to do.  Her family had taught her one thing, but her friend was telling her another.  And she didn't know if there was anything she could do about it.

 

If she did really like Nebula like that... Daybreak didn't think there was anything she could do to-to get rid of these feelings.

 

It wasn't going to go away.  It would probably never go away no matter how much Daybreak wanted to think that it would be a small thing that would fade with time.

 

And if she was being honest with herself, Daybreak didn't want them to disappear either.

 

Because she couldn't imagine her life without Nebula in it.

 

END


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